Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Days Seven and Eight- Power of Suggestion?

The real dog can't get up on the bed anymore. 
Different doctors posit different theories on what causes fibromyalgia. I've heard it called an autoimmune disease, a hormonal problem, and a metabolic syndrome. 

Newer research tends to say that fibromyalgia is a neurological disorder, marked by actual brain damage to the region of the brain which processes pain. 

The damage, according to the staff at the Sagol Hyperbaric Unit, is generally caused by one of three things; physical trauma to the head, a virus, or emotional trauma.

I haven't had physical trauma to my head, but there was a virus - I had Epstein-Barr (Mono) sometime when I was 18 or 19, and there was emotional trauma. 

I was warned when I started the treatment that part of the process is that emotional traumas have a way of coming to the fore in one's mind.

So maybe it's the power of suggestion or maybe it's the fact that that's really how this works, but yesterday (Monday - day 7) I was in the chamber listening to music (there's a "radio" kind of like on an airplane where there are 3 channels that you can choose from) and all of a sudden, I was in a flood of memories - good, bad, ugly - anything from playing with a smaller child in daycare when I was four or five to giving birth to my children to being kissed - just everything was rushing in. It wasn't even things that were necessarily highly emotionally charged, just there was so much of it. I was overwhelmed, and I started crying. 

I don't know if anyone noticed and chose to not say anything or if people are so involved in their own stories that no one noticed, but there I was, in a room full of people, crying, tears running down my face, and feeling completely alone.

And then, the treatment's over, I have to get my stuff, get in the car, keep up normal conversation with my passenger, pick up kids, get through the day. Get through the night.

I feel so raw, like I have the emotional strength of a small child, like I could break at any moment. But here I am, being a mom, being a wife, being a writer, 

And sleeping with a stuffed toy dog. 


  1. Wow, good luck, hang on there. If I was able to post pics here, I'd post Yoavi's "BigDog" (which is identical to your stuffed one)

  2. wow -- sending love and hugs... just getting round to reading this now, weeks later, after dealing with my own "stuff", and I am praying that this "journey" will be worth it..