Sunday, December 13, 2015

Day 11 - Glory Days?

(I apologize in advance to anyone who saw last week's episode of Life in Pieces and is now associating the song "Glory Days" with it..)

Today, the treatment went very quickly. I was reading a new book, something that moves fast, and the time just flew by - I was shocked at how fast the treatment went.

When I came out of the chamber, I was greeted by this.

This amazing group of girls was singing, dancing, handing out sufganiyot, and I was suddenly so overcome with emotion, remembering mornings of singing and dancing at Frisch, my brief foray into the world of NCSY, and Simchat Torah the first few times I was in Israel for the chag... I remembered myself, agile, young, able to dance with the best of them (even if I didn't always know the steps), and there were tears in my eyes, even as I smiled and clapped. And declined an invitation to join.

I was lost for a few minutes in the "glory days" when I was a kid that age, with that kind of energy, and the sadness at the realization that even if I feel well again, I'll never be that young again. I'll never be in that stage of my life again.

And I drove home, came into my house full of children, cute, cuddly, demanding, wonderful children, exhausted and barely able to do anything for them, and I fell asleep for a while. The baby slept and the other two amused themselves. I woke up and pushed through the next few hours, and a friend invited me to a get-together.

I gave the baby a bath, and got her most of the way through bedtime, and by the time I left, she was asleep, #2 was on his way out, and #1 was working on getting herself to sleep.

And then I walked over to my friend's house. There was soft music, wine, snacks, soup, a group of nice women to talk to. It was fun. It was quiet. It was exactly what I needed.

My teenage years may be behind me, but I think I'm finally starting to be ok with that.

It's hard coming to terms with how much I missed out on in my twenties and thirties because of my illness, but on the other hand, the important stuff is there - I made friends, I found my one and only. Together he and I have made three incredible children. It's true that a lot of the things that could have been fun or interesting or special were things I had to miss out on, but I had my priorities, and I didn't miss out on the things that really matter.

And maybe the best is yet to come. 


  1. Sorry I missed a week as we were away for chanuka. Seems like things are going a bit better despite the exhaustion. Lots of love. xxx