(I apologize in advance to anyone who saw last week's episode of Life in Pieces and is now associating the song "Glory Days" with it..)
Today, the treatment went very quickly. I was reading a new book, something that moves fast, and the time just flew by - I was shocked at how fast the treatment went.
When I came out of the chamber, I was greeted by this.
This amazing group of girls was singing, dancing, handing out sufganiyot, and I was suddenly so overcome with emotion, remembering mornings of singing and dancing at Frisch, my brief foray into the world of NCSY, and Simchat Torah the first few times I was in Israel for the chag... I remembered myself, agile, young, able to dance with the best of them (even if I didn't always know the steps), and there were tears in my eyes, even as I smiled and clapped. And declined an invitation to join.
I was lost for a few minutes in the "glory days" when I was a kid that age, with that kind of energy, and the sadness at the realization that even if I feel well again, I'll never be that young again. I'll never be in that stage of my life again.
And I drove home, came into my house full of children, cute, cuddly, demanding, wonderful children, exhausted and barely able to do anything for them, and I fell asleep for a while. The baby slept and the other two amused themselves. I woke up and pushed through the next few hours, and a friend invited me to a get-together.
I gave the baby a bath, and got her most of the way through bedtime, and by the time I left, she was asleep, #2 was on his way out, and #1 was working on getting herself to sleep.
And then I walked over to my friend's house. There was soft music, wine, snacks, soup, a group of nice women to talk to. It was fun. It was quiet. It was exactly what I needed.
My teenage years may be behind me, but I think I'm finally starting to be ok with that.
It's hard coming to terms with how much I missed out on in my twenties and thirties because of my illness, but on the other hand, the important stuff is there - I made friends, I found my one and only. Together he and I have made three incredible children. It's true that a lot of the things that could have been fun or interesting or special were things I had to miss out on, but I had my priorities, and I didn't miss out on the things that really matter.
And maybe the best is yet to come.
Today, the treatment went very quickly. I was reading a new book, something that moves fast, and the time just flew by - I was shocked at how fast the treatment went.
When I came out of the chamber, I was greeted by this.
This amazing group of girls was singing, dancing, handing out sufganiyot, and I was suddenly so overcome with emotion, remembering mornings of singing and dancing at Frisch, my brief foray into the world of NCSY, and Simchat Torah the first few times I was in Israel for the chag... I remembered myself, agile, young, able to dance with the best of them (even if I didn't always know the steps), and there were tears in my eyes, even as I smiled and clapped. And declined an invitation to join.
I was lost for a few minutes in the "glory days" when I was a kid that age, with that kind of energy, and the sadness at the realization that even if I feel well again, I'll never be that young again. I'll never be in that stage of my life again.
And I drove home, came into my house full of children, cute, cuddly, demanding, wonderful children, exhausted and barely able to do anything for them, and I fell asleep for a while. The baby slept and the other two amused themselves. I woke up and pushed through the next few hours, and a friend invited me to a get-together.
I gave the baby a bath, and got her most of the way through bedtime, and by the time I left, she was asleep, #2 was on his way out, and #1 was working on getting herself to sleep.
And then I walked over to my friend's house. There was soft music, wine, snacks, soup, a group of nice women to talk to. It was fun. It was quiet. It was exactly what I needed.
My teenage years may be behind me, but I think I'm finally starting to be ok with that.
It's hard coming to terms with how much I missed out on in my twenties and thirties because of my illness, but on the other hand, the important stuff is there - I made friends, I found my one and only. Together he and I have made three incredible children. It's true that a lot of the things that could have been fun or interesting or special were things I had to miss out on, but I had my priorities, and I didn't miss out on the things that really matter.
And maybe the best is yet to come.
Sorry I missed a week as we were away for chanuka. Seems like things are going a bit better despite the exhaustion. Lots of love. xxx
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